Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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