If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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