susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
