OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
