He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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