Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I looked at my own cervix.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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