So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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