I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
