Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
try to milk me bitch
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