we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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