alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
