Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
