Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
