I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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