Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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