the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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