He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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