can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
