Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
