two words: eviction party
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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