He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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