So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
