woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
