my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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