nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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