My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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