i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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