I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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