I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
