Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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