I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
