these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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