how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
