you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have aggressive nipples.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
