I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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