When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
