So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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