yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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