Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize