Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize