I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
