i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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