i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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