I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
