i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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