She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize