Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
