This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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