Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize