dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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