I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
