Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize