Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
