??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
