i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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