remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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