Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
