it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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