Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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