Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
