fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize