I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
