Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Say something about gay babies.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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