The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
