brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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