I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
