If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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