there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
