I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
