Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize