I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
